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If I Taught Logic

Sometimes I dream about teaching. Not teaching high school, mind you--that ship has thankfully sailed (or sunk, depending on your interpretation)--but teaching college. I normally dream about teaching English subjects like grammar or literature. But last night I was thinking about the ripe examples we've been given lately in modern advertising for a logic class, specifically examples of logical fallacies.

And I could even consistently use one company's advertisements as examples: AT&T. Now, first of all, I'll say that I have nothing against AT&T as a company (though their customer service sucks, as evidenced by my many, many fruitless calls to them over the past year with regard to what seem like simply corrected billing errors). And it's no surprise that I'm no phan of the iPhone (or any other product bearing Original Sin's insignia), their cellular network's flagship device. But their recent advertising campaign deserves notice for its ridiculousness.

Abby and I watched an ad once where Luke Wilson (O fallen star!) was talking about how Verizon is not accurately representing AT&T. He does this by pulling up a different map from the one in question, saying, "See? We have coverage!" (Verizon makes it clear that they are talking about 3G coverage; AT&T creatively sidesteps this problem by pulling up a map showing their regular voice coverage.) We wondered if we missed something, or if we misread--surely such an egregious logic error would not be celebrated on national television, and certainly not by B-level celebrity darling Luke Wilson. But, alas! it was so.

Another ad has him introducing a child reading postcards from people who sent in that they have 3G. Lots of postcard addresses are read, but if you listen closely, they're all large cities, which is exactly the issue Verizon is attacking: AT&T may have 3G in Chicago, Illinois, but what about Berne, Indiana? It's as if AT&T thinks they can win an argument just by talking louder. Or by restating their weakness as a strength.

And last night's ad was the best so far. Luke Wilson stands beneath a map of Verizon's coverage talking about how Verizon says AT&T doesn't have 3G coverage. How does he address this argument? "Verizon doesn't let you talk and surf the Web at the same time." ??? This is a playground answer. "Your teeth are crooked!" "Oh yeah? Well you've got freckles all over your face!"

In the words of the Slate article linked to above, "It makes me want to grab Luke Wilson by his tweed lapels and shout, 'You're making a straw man argument, you jowly sellout!'"

UPDATE: This might be a more effective strain of argumentation for AT&T in the future.

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From The Secret of Father Brown

" 'There is a limit to human charity,' said Lady Outram, trembling all over.

'There is,' said Father Brown dryly, 'and that is the real difference between human charity and Christian charity. . . . It seems to me that you only pardon the sins that you don't really think sinful. You only forgive criminals when they commit what you don't regard as crimes, but rather as conventions. So you tolerate a conventional duel, just as you tolerate a conventional divorce. You forgive because there isn't anything to be forgiven. . . . We [priests] have to touch such men, not with a barge pole, but with a benediction . . . We have to say the word that will save them from hell. We alone are left to deliver them from despair when your human charity fails them. Go on your own primrose path pardoning all your favourite vices and being generous to your fashionable crimes; and leave us in the darkness . . . to console those who really need consolation; who do things really indefensible, things that neither the world nor they themselves can defend; and none but a priest will pardon. Leave us with the men who commit the mean and revolting and real crimes; mean as St. Peter when the cock crew, and yet dawn came.' "

--G.K. Chesterton, "The Chief Mourner of Marne" from The Secret of Father Brown

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The Well Is Dry

I used to be able to churn stuff out at a great rate when I was in college. Now that I'm out, anytime I have to try to write I lock up. That may explain the lack of posts on my blog. Or laziness. That goes a ways too.

I'll try to post something substantive soon. Until then, you can read my review of Kurt Vonnegut's Look at the Birdie.